Wednesday, May 20, 2015

On Women, Violation And Losing Something Before You Wanted To Give It Away...

The stories are still very much alive and some of them are finished books! I've been working on a variety of other things as well such as software for windows which I've released and published at

There's a lot more to come.

There's been a lot of nastiness from some people in my neck of the woods who attack in groups, leaving me in quite often less than good spirits and sometimes a bit mean. They are the people who number amongst those attempting to take the stories from me. So I've been a bit verbal in this regard against those people despite my peaceful nature and hopefully they'll get caught. And soon.

When I was a kid in school, I used to have a group of bullies make it a game of trying to make me cry in as little a time as possible. There were a few others too that fell victim to that sort of thing. So when I see something similar happening when I'm 47, I get a bit intolerant with it. PTSD perhaps?

I thought a lot about this from a woman's perspective and how they might feel when they are similarly victimized as part of my research for the latest book in the Butterfly Dragon series. Ask a lady abuse victim how she reacts when she sees the same signs of abuse from another person or how a rape victim reacts when they are treated similarly by another person independent of their rapist. There's even scumbags out there who believe that they can control someone by treating them very abusively in such a way and seek to do so. In fact, rape victims often experience similar treatment from others who seek to find women susceptible to this sort of effect. That's what makes rape and abuse such horrible crimes.

I am not talking about consensual role play where each partner gets their turn "playing" with other their fantasies as loving partners who are empathetic to their partner and respect their wishes for affection or for abstinence. Play between consenting adult lovers (in a serious relationship) can be fun but it I am talking about people who just do it regardless which is really a form of rape whether you are in the same room or through the walls. That means people who verbally stalk and abuse you often as a group and then try to violate you emotionally and bio-magnetically. Emotional gang rape. The same thing that some rape victims have described experiencing long after their physical rapes. Maybe the original rapist imagining experiencing it again with their victim? Maybe their friends?

No wonder a whole generation of women ended up on Prozac in the 1960s and 1970s. Because nobody would listen except their Doctors and the only tools they had to help at that time were pharmaceuticals.

Muffled and distant pain is certainly much better than otherwise.

One of my new stories (The Dragon Butterfly) covers this aspect of victimization from a woman's point of view so experiencing this sort of thing first hand and understanding it through research I am finding it to be a pretty disgusting quality in others that do it to their victims. The perpetrators seek to rape their victim at the most fundamental level. By taking not only the impression of their freedom but also imposing their own identity onto their victims. There are even people around me that believe by empathizing in such a way that someone else is already controlling me. These are members of  a cult that attempt this by the way without your consent. So that makes them rapists for certain.

Nelony, the character from A Lady's Prerogative even experiences a similar violation when after being captured by the ruthless army of the Wytch hunters, she's expected to change her clothes in plain view of the entire encampment. The character as I'd written her had been saving her first time being seen by a man as a sort of a symbol, much like some regard virginity and that was the intended allegory. The Wytch hunters (who are more of a mob or an allegory for those that use their religion to steal others' identities while unloading sins onto their victims) of course have no regard for women or for their values and she ultimately does change in front of them, losing that treasured moment that she'd been saving for the right man to a group of men who had no value of it at all. I had originally written a heart felt talk between her and Yirfir that went something like this:

"My dear, there are things that you hold onto dear like that one that will mean little when you meet him, the man that you love. That's because time for you will begin from that moment on, and choices that you made or had made won't matter as much as your time from that point on. Don't let such a vile group of people take more from you, beyond the time they've already taken, for they deserve not even that. What you feel emotionally is yours and yours to share with that man. There are many mysteries contained in our Librum Universalis Codex and one could spend lifetimes going through all of the pain and injustices that have happened since the beginning of time. Ultimately they may be ours to preserve and know but there are great accomplishments and triumphs that have overshadowed them by far in all of history. Those are what we are protecting really when we preserve the history. The true history. Our lives begin though within that tapestry of turmoil and triumph. What do you choose to remember? The Culdar Rath stirred you and your most vile memories when they sent you that package with the records of death, and Father Wilsen's memoirs. They want to keep fresh the pain of every living creature for they thrive on it. It is their life blood and in that sense they are already dead. Just like the Twins of Lorr. They have never been alive really because they were never independent of one another. Of the Culdar Rath. Their every thought and action was privy to their ranks and those of their leadership. They could never really claim merit to their own deeds and choices if the Culdar Rath lay claim to every single one of them now, could they? That is how we'd all live under their shadow and none would be free to think or be without their knowing, and without their laying claim to what comes from us. Independence is what makes love possible for it is the only real choice there is and if it is already made for you, then it is not love at all. And if it is not love at all, then it is not freedom. So losing that moment to a group such as those is painful and they'll do everything to remind you of it because its blood to them. Your life begins though when you meet, and you choose to love him. What you've been saving for someone is contained therein and can never be taken from you." Yirfir told Nelony trying to console her friend's loss.

And yes. I am quite proud to be able to write dialog from the point of view of a lady. There's nothing wrong with being a guy who can empathize their characters and dialog. It makes you a better person in the end. Unfortunately this malleability too is a sign of one who can be "possessed" or "controlled" to some so if you are empathic in such a way, watch out. There's a whole club of people who are ready to steal from you claiming they "controlled" you into a particular accomplishment.

As I've said in another article, they're the same people who cannot really love anyone because they don't believe that anyone but a select few have a real mind anyway. How can someone such as that love someone else if they regard another human being as a lump of flesh that has no mind, that they can buy a few drinks for so they can masturbate into them? Someone who regards another human being in that regard can't really love someone else. At all. For if they think that what another says and does can only come from a select few, who are the source of all conscious acts, then who do they love when they look at someone else? Themselves? How can that be if they believe that their lover's mind comes from them?

They're usually the same people whose designs it is to dump their activities onto you in the same. Probably how many of them regard women in the first place. As garbage bags?

Another dialog on the subject and of lost love and our values is from the character Sato and from the same book when he tries to talk Barris convince Barris that he should go through with his marriage proposal to Mila:

"I thought you were going to..." he asked Barris.

"I thought I was too. But I did not see that coming and I guess that I didn't want to spoil their moment." Barris replied to his old friend.

"This is both yours and Mila's moment. Your lives. Don't miss it. Don't let it go." he spoke with enthusiasm for his friend.

"I can't just go out there and do it now. I was all worked up for it, ready to go and then... Well. I don't want to take away from their night." Barris responded.

"You're using their announcement as an excuse to chicken out. Chicken. You're a chicken. Bock bock bock..." Sato put his hands under his arms and walked in a circle clucking.

"Don't do that Sato. Please. I don't think that I can recapture the moment again." Barris said, looking down.

"Before I bought the store, I traveled. I have told you many times of my adventures. To each one is bound a treasure, but I have not once told you about the treasure that I had lost. The one treasure that I wish that I had this day and for all the days that have passed to arrive at this day and for the days beyond this day. I was sent to look for a valuable stone." Sato paused to make sure that Barris was coherent.

"Wait. You're telling me that you were sent to look for a stone? Not a vase or a painting or something like that. It was just a stone? You mean like a rock that you'd find on the ground?" Barris asked in amazement that Sato would interrupt one of the most important moments of his life to tell him about stone.

"It was a special stone. A gem of great value. The Eye Of Epicurus. It is rumoured to be unequalled as a healing crystal. Look, just work with me on this would you already?" Sato defended his story seeing Barris' tension about the situation and getting a little impatient himself.

"You're right. I do apologize." Barris said, a little embarrassed.

Sato continued.

"I was there to find this valuable stone, the Eye Of Epicurus that had long been forgotten by the world, but in order to find it, I had to blend in with the local people. While there I met a young lady. I met her during my travels in a village in South East Asia. I went there to live for as long as it would take to find this stone. I stayed for a long time and during that time, I got to know a girl from the town. We became friends and every day we'd meet and spend the day together though I never told her I what I was looking for." Sato shook his head and continued.

"Then one evening we spent our first night together and I thought to myself that I did not want to leave her. Ever. We lived together for a time until one day, a man came to see me with a package. He said: 'this is what you came here seeking' and handed me the package. I took it of course and examined it. It was the stone that I had been looking for. The next day having found it, I told her that I must leave, though in my heart I did not want to but I did anyway, thinking that I had accomplished what I had set out to do. When I left, she wept and though I felt a thousand thorns in my heart, I left anyway." Sato looked down a grimace of pain still visible on his face.

"When I arrived back home I took the stone to the appraiser there who had told me that I could find the treasure there. I brought him the stone telling him I found my treasure. He examined and then told me: 'It's worthless'. It was then that I realized that I had found the real treasure, but I left her for what I was told was a valuable stone." Sato's face held a thin veil concealing an age old heart break.

One last passage from the first book of A Lady's Prerogative on the subject of our how what we might be saving for someone special isn't truly lost even when we thing it's gone:

Barris had one day been minding the shop when some of the hoods from a local hangout had dropped into the shop to pick on Barris, whom they'd heard was working for the uninvited "old man" as they referred to him. Barris had asked them to leave when one of them had dropped and chipped a delicate vase, which had broken Barris' heart as he saw it fall, for it was like seeing a piece of Sato's past dropped carelessly to floor. They had turned to Barris at his challenge of them to put him in his place when Sato arrived. One held Barris by the shoulder against the wall, insulting him and calling him names like they had all throughout school. Barris in his fear had remembered noting how they'd really not changed much at all, before there was a blur of motion and the pressure on his shoulder subsided.

All three were spread out on the floor of the shop but none hurt seriously. They all three of them rose to their feet and quickly left the shop, never to be seen again by Barris or Sato. That was when Sato had told Barris one of the most profound truths of his life.

"You were hurt because the vase broke. But the vase is not you or me. You were hurt because it broke after all of the trouble I went through to get it." Sato paused.

"The vase is only the end of that journey. It is only a thing. The real treasure is in here, in us and cannot be broken, stolen or removed from us in any way. Even if the vase is gone forever, we still have that story." Sato looked at Barris with great compassion and concern.

"But what if we lose us? What if we die?" Barris asked.

"The story is still there as is our effect upon the world." Sato replied.

"Even if you and I are gone and the vase is gone. We have left a path upon the face of everything. That is never gone. Even if everyone denied we were here at all. They too will be gone, but their effect upon everything remains." Sato paused and then continued.

"If you are a boat that passes through the waters of life, you leave a wake in your path and the water that you affect leaves waves that never stop moving, ever. Even the most calm and still waters are moving with the effects of every rain drop that has plucked the surface of that water like the strings of a koto." Sato finished.

"You mean..." Barris paused, looking intensely at Sato.

"Yes, continue." Sato waited patiently.

"We are never gone." Barris replied, a smile of relief crossing his face.

Sato smiled, and continued.

"The vase is the artist's story. Seeking and finding the vase is mine. The artist in making the vase and me in seeking it are each boats that leave their wakes upon the waters of life. Even if the vase is gone, neither the artist that created it nor the lover of that vase is gone, for we have etched our creation into the very face of everything, so be gentle with that brush, for she is very delicate and beautiful. Protect her." Sato stated, his presence and wisdom settling.

"What about us? What do we become when we die?" Barris asked Sato thoughtfully at ease.

"I do not know. That's a good question to ask a philosopher or theologian. I believe that we are eternal, by way of our effect here and beyond. I am here, so I focus on here. If I plan to go somewhere, I make my plans and deal with them when I arrive there unaware of what might change those plans. You may find a different answer when you look for it." Sato replied, the serenity in his voice accented.

From that moment Barris settled into his life in a way that he hadn't since he'd learned to walk, unafraid of being... gone, and more concerned with being. He also recognized Sato and his profound effect upon what was to come ahead.

Finally, my personal tormentors are part of a group who try to break down your audience by tricking you into appearing like you are against various groups out there by harassing you until there's nobody left.

Much like this story from Nazi Germany:

Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) was a prominent outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration camps.

Niemöller is perhaps best remembered for the quotation:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Many of the people involved in this activity are like Nazis really but few of them if any are from Germany.

One by one they try to take away different people and groups from your life using illegal eavesdropping technology to do so and leaving only themselves and nobody to stand against their abusive efforts from within the building where I live.

The group doing this though only do so as a means to isolate every possible representation that defines the colour of one's eyes believe it or not.

Mine have green in them amongst other colours, so it is often quite a heated battle.

No polarity reversal here by the way.

What I say is what I mean.

Stay tuned for another post coming up very shortly...

I am Brian Joseph Johns and this is
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